we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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