Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
