I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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