First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
