i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
