did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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