I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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