you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
