Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
