In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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