My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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