my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
His nipple licking is glorious
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