if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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