my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
