Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
