3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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