so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
