so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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