I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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