I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
