All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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