I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
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dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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