You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
