i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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