I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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