good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
