Non-Jews are for practice
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
