Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
