just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You are a genius and a whore.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
