Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
