Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
