I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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