I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
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Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
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I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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