If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
