No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
