You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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