Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize