We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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