shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
