i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
