She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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