Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
