so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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