How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Green mimosas i think yes
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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