went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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