How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize