I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
