Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
