I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
