But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just got carded by a ten year old.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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