OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
