My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
