I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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