wat bout pragnant strippers??
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize
