i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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