Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
