That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
