no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
