In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
