I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
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We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
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I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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