Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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