i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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